The Good Church for Children InquiryMartyn Payne |
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Last month the Children's Society's Good Childhood®Inquiry published its findings and, predictably, they hit the headlines. For some it confirmed their belief in the general downward trend of the nation's morals, evidenced most clearly by the pursuit of personal success by parents that has left our children goods-rich but love-poor. For others it put the spotlight on our society's continuing engagement with issues of poverty and inequality that of course most visibly affect the more vulnerable among us, including our children. The debate will hopefully continue. Certainly the huge amount of important evidence taken by the panel of experts over the last two years as well as their recommendations are timely and significant for all of us, whose passion and ministry is the children entrusted to our care. As children's leaders and ministers in churches, these findings are also a challenge. Jesus' sombre warnings about not causing any of his little ones to stumble lays a charge on us to examine just how far the prevailing attitudes to children in our society that are described in this report have seeped into our churches' own treatment of its young members. In his second letter, Peter reminds us that judgement begins with the household of God (1 Peter 4:17), so it is therefore very proper to ask ourselves just how our house stands before the Lord in the light of these findings. In this, the Year of the Child, maybe we ought to consider a focused local enquiry of our own - looking prayerfully at our own church. So, using some of the findings of the national enquiry as a starting point, I wondered how our fellowships would fare? Perhaps what follows could be a Lenten piece of self-examination with your church team, and the positive action points included after each section might prompt discussion and action on behalf of the children in our midst. The importance of a stable home life'We always knew that,' might be the understandable response by some Christians to this key finding of the enquiry. However we must be cautious of just a knee-jerk reaction that is quick to blame others and slow to offer graceful alternatives to those suffering the effects of societal 'breakdown'. So let us first put this into the context of what happens at our church. When the typical churchgoing family comes to our place of worship with its children, just how supportive are we being when we separate off parent and child as fast as we can for the majority or even all of our worship together? When new families come to faith, what support do we provide to help them to be Christian in their home life together? Just how often, if ever, do we provide encouragement and practical ideas for families to pray together during the week, let alone talk naturally about God at home? And aren't there usually so many more courses and events outside Sunday that are for either the mums or for the dads or just the adults than any for the whole family to come to together? Why are there no family Alpha or Christianity Explored courses? I wonder, are we supporting a stable home life as the Enquiry recommends or are we perhaps, ever so subtly, undermining family life?
The dangers of indulgent individualismThis is the finding that of course hit the headlines last month. Parents in our largely affluent society have often 'neglected' their children by leaving them in the 'care' of the computer screen, the TV or the nursery. But, hold on, just how much might this 'individualism' also have contaminated our church culture? How many songs do we sing 'together' that in fact are written in the first person singular? How often have we decided that it is OK and even good practice to sit our children's group down in front of a DVD (albeit, a 'holy' one!) rather than learning by talking together? Just how helpful has it been to over-stress the personal language of salvation at the expense of our togetherness in Christ - the plural 'you' - that is such an important part of New Testament teaching? What opportunities do we provide as a church for us to talk together about our shared faith rather than focus on individual testimony? What alternative tools for our spiritual journey do we offer other than those that stress an individualised, isolated and potential inward-looking faith? Maybe indulgent individualism has found its way into our churches too?
Over-reliance on material goodsEven before this report, many Christian commentators have already observed that the current 'credit crunch' may well be a timely wake-up call to our society to reconsider Christian values regarding possessions, and money in particular. Jesus' words in the Sermon on the Mount about not worrying about what we should eat and what we should wear, and instead to seek first God's Kingdom, have taken on added and important significance. But has the church already 'sold out' to what can be 'bought in'? Have we substituted technological gimmicks, expensive goods and grand programmes for the vital relationship-building that churches really need? Are we investing more and more on clever resources and attractive materials rather than giving time simply to listen to the children in our groups? Are we over-reliant on technology and teaching aids rather than discovering how to share stories together in an uncomplicated way? Are we in danger of providing things rather than people in order to nurture the faith of the child in our midst?
Trophy childrenThe findings of the enquiry also questioned the value of over-testing children. There is certainly a growing body of opposition to SATS in schools but it will take a lot to change the government's mind on this, simply because they believe that this is what parents - in other words, many of us - want. And I wonder just how complicit we in the churches are with this? To what extent are we as Christians fuelling a demand for unbridled attainment, regular assessment and constant comparison between children? Have we begun to value the children we work with by the successes they have achieved, the memory verses they have stored up or the beautiful craft they have completed? Are we subtly influenced in our judgments by the number of goals achieved, instruments learnt, badges attained and stars awarded for good behaviour? Have we forgotten that Jesus loves and accepts each child just as he or she is... by grace... not according to worldly trophies won. Can we honestly say that this is what we model to the new families who are looking to what our faith means and how counter-cultural it should be? We want children to become all that God longs for them to become, and that may not have anything to do with fame, fortune or first-class degrees. Yes, of course there is the parable of the talents, but the point there surely is that the talents were used, not how much profit was made. Wouldn't the master still have said 'well done' to the one who was given ten talents, if he had decided to give them away to the poor? I wonder just how influenced by the 'success culture' we have become inside church?
Space for playAnd finally, there is one other strong recommendation of this enquiry - namely that children have open space to play. 'Play' has undoubtedly become a buzz word in church circles in recent years, from 'Godly Play' to 'Play Therapy' and its value is universally recognised. But just how much has this really influenced what we do with our children in church? Are we not still too often programme-driven, and unwilling to make space simply to talk and explore - and play together? Where are the opportunities just to eat together as a church family with space and time to have fun and play? How willing are we to set free children's spirituality to explore and discover for itself? And are your church extension plans, if you are lucky enough to have them, just concerned with more rooms for meetings and courses rather than making 'open space' for play and free encounter across the generations? What does it mean to create a 'church at play', as the Finnish Lutherans have christened recent initiatives in their midst?
This Good Childhood®Inquiry isn't just an opportunity for the church to say, 'I told you so,' to a society that has lost its way on parenting children. Rather it is a challenge to us as Christians to put our own house in order first and foremost, before we preach to the world. Maybe we can use its findings as a wake-up call to ourselves to re-examine our attitudes to children within our own four walls, as it were, and especially in this 'Year of the Child'. I wonder how well your church is doing?
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